REGRET MANAGEMENT

HEAL A FRACTURED WORLD COLUMN

                                                 CHIBU NDUBUISI. 30/01/2017

                                                   Regret Management (part one)

Peace be to you.

We all at one time in our lives have been overwhelmed by the  emotions

of guilt over our actions and inactions.  When people say,'I don't regret

anything', I doubt the veracity of such claims. To live in this world without

pangs of regrets or mistakes is hard to encounter. Some of our choices

bring us good while others bring us pain. How then can we reduce or manage

this regret variable in our lives? When you go in to introspection, what are

your biggest regrets?

At some points, we have equally asked ourelves 'if only I might have known what

would have been, I would have done things differently to mitigate against

experiencing a life of unfulfilled dreams'.

We can have regrets of action and inaction but the regrets of inaction generates

more pain in the long run. When people are asked about their biggest regrets

in life, they tend to focus on the things they failed to do.(Gilovich et al,1995).

Statements of inaction like.

---I should have married that lady.

---I should have loved my husband better

---I should have spent more time with my family

---I should have have taken my parents advice

---I should have learnt a skill

---I should have followed that vocation

---I should have rendered help to that vulnerable child

---I should have told my father I love him before he died

---I should have accepted his marriage proposal

---I should have paid attention to my finances

---I should have paid more attention to my academics

---I should have cast my vote in the last elections, it might have made a difference

---I should have have loved my children better

---I should have spoken against injustice

---I should have testified to the truth

---I should have bought that plot of land

--- I should have taken the 'road less travelled'

Suzy Welch in her book '10-10-10: A Life-Transforming Idea' explains that when faced with

a situaton, ask yourself these questions. 

---in 10 minutes time, what will be the implications of my actions?

---in 10 months time, what will be the  impact of my actions?

---in 10 years time,  what will be the impact of my actions?

She concluded by answering that some decisions might not be popular

in the short term but in the long run will pay off.

An army officer that rejected fighting Boko Haram terrorist organization because he

is ill equipped as a result of the looting of the funds made for procurement

of arms by her leaders  may be temporary punished for disobedience to

standing orders but the decision to disobey that order will be better appreciated

in the long run.

To heal a fractured world, you  don't obey an immoral order. The example of the women Shiphrah and Puah

in the bible that refused to obey Pharaoh's instructions on killing of all male children is a case in point.

'When you are helping the Hebrew women to give birth and see them upon the birthstool, if it is a son, then you shall put him to death; but if it is a daughter, then she shall live’ (Exodus 1:16).

But the midwives feared God, and did not do as the king of Egypt had commanded them, but let the boys live (Exodus 1:17).

And the king of Egypt called for the midwives, and said unto them, Why have ye done this thing, and have saved the men children alive?(Exodus 1:18)

The midwives answered Pharaoh, "Hebrew women are not like Egyptian women; they are vigorous and give birth before the midwives arrive."(Exodus 1:19).

Lesson to learn is that you don't commit a crime against humanity and say that you are obeying the last order
when the chips are down, you will answer for your crime individually. Those charged with war crimes is a valid example.  When you disobey immoral orders, it minimises regrettable actions . Immoral orders can sometimes can come from you to yourself.
Dont look far, look within.

To be continued.

Peace be with you.